This past April, as I was doing some cleaning, I came across an old to-do list that I wrote at the beginning of the new year. On this shriveled, orange post-it that no longer maintained its adhesiveness, two of nine tasks had already been crossed off. I read through the list and smiled, realizing I had completed the other seven tasks and could now throw the list away. (Side note - I once heard someone call a to-do list a “to-avoid” list and thought that was too funny not to share!)
What once seemed to be daunting, excruciatingly difficult and/or time-consuming tasks were now completed. Yes, completed :-) (and yes, I inserted a smiley face emoticon). I stared at the to-dos that once filled me with feelings of anxiety and overwhelm, and I now felt calm. Only four months later, some tasks even seemed… easy. This experience taught me that if I will at some point get through a to-do list, then I will likely accomplish the next to-do list, and of the one after that. I believe this has the same implication for you. How will knowing this change the way you feel the next time you write a daunting “to-avoid” list? How will it change your inner dialogue?
But as I continued to reflect on this exciting experience, I also was struck by how foreign it felt to me. I began to wonder: Why, as a society, do we so often fail to acknowledge how much we’ve done? Why do we tend to focus on how much higher we have to go, instead of how far we’ve already come? What are the consequences of seeing ourselves as cups half-empty instead of cups half-full?
What would it be like to account for what we’ve built, created, passed, and finished? What would it be like to make an “I’ve-done” list instead of a to-do list? Can you even imagine how long your “I’ve-done” list would be? Try it. I dare you. What were those daunting and difficult tasks you have completed since the beginning of 2016? What about since last month? What about since last Monday? This isn’t an easy exercise, is it?
Can we take this one step further? Why do we only recognize our achievements at finite culminations like graduations or when moving on from a company? What would it be like to recognize progress? Or to perhaps celebrate it?
Like many other therapists, I make it a point to periodically discuss with my clients not only their goals for therapy, but also the progress they’ve made. Why? Because that’s self-love. That’s self-respect. That’s acknowledging that while our lives may not be where we want them to be at yet, we are still good. That, to cite Winston Churchill, it took “blood, toil, tears and sweat” to get where we are today – in all parts of our lives, not just in terms of work or school. That’s saying, “Hey, we’ve done a lot.”
As I mentioned earlier, after reflecting on my completed to-do list, I tossed it in the trash because, after all, it wasn’t part of what society taught me was important to keep. Could I go back, I would have grabbed a pen, crossed off the other seven tasks, and hung it on my refrigerator. I would have changed the title to “My I’ve-done List”. Why? Because I have decided that despite being part of a current world that invests no money into apps, notebooks, and programs that help me manage my I've-dones, how I choose to see myself and treat myself is my choice.
I remember looking at that run-down orange post-it and smiling. I now realize that I was smiling because I had been feeling proud. And what a remarkable feeling that was.
I have come to accept that progress is not measured by size or speed. Small progress is still progress. Slow progress is still progress. When do you acknowledge your achievements? Will you celebrate progress? Will you add making an I’ve-done list to your to-do list?
Are you willing change to how you define success? How often do you give yourself permission to be proud of yourself? Do you do it enough? Do you do it at all? It’s never too late. What will you choose?
Would love to hear your thoughts! E-mail me @ chanelhalimi@gmail.com